In North Carolina, couples are required to be separated and live apart for one year before applying for divorce.  By the time the separation period is over, you have already retained your Raleigh divorce lawyer and it’s time to prepare for court.  Here’s some advice for what do before your hearing.

Get Ready 

It is important to meet with you Raleigh divorce lawyer several weeks before the court date to ensure that all documents are prepared and that your testimony is complete.  During these meetings, the attorney works to make sure that your case is strong and your testimony is strong against the opposing lawyer’s questions on cross-examination.

Relax 

Court can be pretty stressful, so be sure to attempt to get a full night’s sleep before the day of the hearing.  That morning, you should be sure to have a good breakfast to give yourself the energy you’ll need for the proceedings.

Be on Time

Nothing can set a judge against you like being late for court, and your Raleigh divorce lawyer will face an uphill battle.  Think about what time your hearing starts and leave the house early enough to beat traffic.  The location for divorce cases is the Civil Division of the Wake County Courthouse, which is located at 316 Fayetteville Street in Raleigh.  Public parking is available and can be found at 216 West Cabarrus Street.

Figure out about long it will take you to get to the courthouse and then add half of that time to account for traffic and other obstacles.  You should also arrive at least half an hour before it starts to consult with your Raleigh divorce lawyer and conduct any last-minute preparations.

Look Your Best 

Another thing that can turn the judge against you is to show up looking sloppy.  This means that before you leave your house or apartment; make sure to pick out your best outfit.

For men, a suit is preferred, or at the least, a collared shirt and khaki pants with a belt.  You should avoid sandals or tennis shoes.  You should also be certain to shave that morning.

For women, the business casual look also applies, so a pantsuit or a modest blouse and skirt of conservative length with panty hose.  Flat shoes or small heels are a good choice for footwear and you should also avoid sandals or open-toed shoes.

In either case, dress for success and ask yourself if you look serious and trustworthy when you look in the mirror.  Any accessories should be kept to a minimum, so no hats and little jewelry.  If you have any visible tattoos, cover them up first.  You want to make sure that you look as close to a candidate for sainthood as possible.

The Start of the Hearing

The judge has a schedule of cases he or she will hear that day, and when it comes time, the clerk of court calls the case name.  Then you and your Raleigh divorce lawyer will walk to the front of the court and position yourselves behind the table assigned to your side, either plaintiff or defendant.

You and your Raleigh divorce lawyer, as well as the other party will remain standing until the judge gives permission to sit.  At that time, your attorney will announce his name to the judge and his representation of you as his client.

In Part 2, we will continue to look at once you should do after the hearing has started and what you can expect from your courtroom experience.

Between babysitters, your kids’ other parent, grandparents and friends, you may have all your childcare bases covered. However, sometimes last-minute issues arise: grandma has an appointment, the babysitter has to study, or your friends get called into work.

Unfortunately, sometimes the other parent isn’t as hands-on as you’d like – so what do you do about emergency childcare?

If your children aren’t enrolled in school or daycare, your Raleigh divorce lawyer may want you to consider enrolling them in an hourly drop-in daycare center for emergencies such as these.

Why Your Raleigh Divorce Lawyer May Recommend Drop-in Daycare

Life is full of surprises, and during divorce, you can’t always depend on the other parent to handle the things you can’t. Your former in-laws may not be willing to help, and things don’t always go as planned. Your Raleigh divorce lawyer may suggest that you enroll your kids in drop-in daycare so that you always have a backup plan when things go awry.

What is Drop-in Daycare?

Drop-in daycare, like ordinary daycare, is a place your kids can go while you run errands, work or go to court. The difference between drop-in daycare and traditional daycare, though, is that you’re billed on an hourly basis and you don’t need to let the daycare providers know you’re coming. Drop-in daycare is generally more expensive than traditional daycare, however.

Ask Your Raleigh Divorce Lawyer for a Recommendation

Your Raleigh divorce lawyer may know an excellent drop-in daycare center in Raleigh that he or she can recommend. Remember, your Raleigh divorce lawyer has worked with several clients in situations like yours – so he or she may have heard good things about a particular center. Your Raleigh divorce lawyer may even use a drop-in daycare center on occasion.

If your Raleigh divorce lawyer isn’t familiar with local drop-in daycare centers, you can find one on your own or ask friends and family for recommendations.

What to Ask Drop-in Daycare Providers

Although drop-in daycare centers are subject to the same rules and regulations as traditional daycare centers, you should visit the facility and talk to daycare providers before enrolling your kids. You’ll need to make sure that all employees are subject to background checks, that they’re trained in lifesaving techniques and that they’ll be flexible enough to work around any potential emergencies you may have.

What to Ask Your Raleigh Divorce Lawyer

Before you enroll your kids in a drop-in daycare center, ask your Raleigh divorce lawyer any questions you have that pertain to your case.

• Ask your Raleigh divorce lawyer if it’s a good idea to work out pickup times with your spouse.

• Ask your Raleigh divorce lawyer if your spouse will be responsible for paying some or all of the fees.

• Ask your Raleigh divorce lawyer what happens if your spouse picks up the kids without your permission.

If you feel your spouse is unfit to be around your children at any time during your divorce, tell your Raleigh divorce lawyer immediately. Your Raleigh divorce lawyer has years of experience in cases similar to yours, and can help you take action if you feel your kids are in danger.

During or after your divorce, you may be required to find a new place to live. If you have small children who are not enrolled in school or daycare, it may be difficult to find someone to watch them while you move. Family members may be otherwise occupied, friends are at work – you can run out of options quickly.

What about mandatory court dates, meetings with your Charlotte divorce lawyer, job interviews and other times you’ll have to leave your little ones behind?

Your Charlotte divorce lawyer may suggest that you find a temporary childcare solution that you can use periodically throughout your divorce.

Ask Your Charlotte Divorce Lawyer for a Recommendation

Your Charlotte divorce lawyer may know a reputable childcare provider in your area. Since your Charlotte divorce lawyer has represented several clients in similar situations, he or she may have referred people to a certain provider in the past.

If your Charlotte divorce lawyer isn’t familiar with local childcare providers, you can begin to search for temporary daycare in Charlotte on your own so that you aren’t left scrambling to find help at the last minute.

Types of Childcare Centers

There are typically two types of daycare centers: permanent daycare and temporary daycare. Permanent daycare requires registration and can bill you by the day, week or month. Temporary daycare is commonly referred to as drop-in daycare.

Drop-in Daycare

Your Charlotte divorce lawyer may be able to recommend a local drop-in daycare center (either from personal or second-hand experience). Drop-in daycare centers often charge a one-time or annual registration fee, and charge hourly for the time your children are there. No appointments are necessary – you can simply show up with your children, drop them off and pick them up.

What to Look for in a Childcare Center

Like Charlotte divorce lawyers, childcare providers must be licensed by the state of North Carolina. When you visit the childcare center, look for obvious safety hazards. Ask the director:

• if all employees are subject to background checks

• if staff is trained in CPR and other lifesaving techniques

• what security measures are in place

• how you can authorize your spouse to pick up your children

• how you can prevent your spouse from picking up your children (consult your Charlotte divorce lawyer for guidance if you believe your spouse should not be permitted near your children)

Review North Carolina’s requirements for daycare centers if you suspect yours isn’t following state mandates for health and safety.

Things to Discuss with Your Charlotte Divorce Lawyer

When circumstances arise that require you to put your kids in temporary day care, let your Charlotte divorce lawyer know. Not because your Charlotte divorce lawyer needs to know about the day care, but because he or she needs to know if you’ve moved, gotten a job or have started to attend school.

If any issues arise, like the other parent failing to drop off or pick up children from a drop-in daycare center, call your Charlotte divorce lawyer immediately after you’ve taken care of the kids’ needs. Your Charlotte divorce lawyer needs to know the details in situations like these.

Finally, let your Charlotte divorce lawyer know if you find a fantastic drop-in daycare center; he or she may able to recommend the center to other clients who need the help.

You’ve left the home. You didn’t have a chance to gather the family photos. Can you get them back? Can you get copies?

Family photos, in North Carolina, are treated as property subject to Equitable Distribution. While they may have lots of sentimental value, they don’t have much actual value when looked at from a fair market value perspective.

Family photos aren’t worth much so they’re not generally divided by the court. In fact, it’s very unusual for a court to deal with them at all.

The reality is that most family photos, when the parties have a disagreement, end up with whichever party possesses them at the time of the separation.

The key then is to either (1) get the photos before you leave and put them somewhere safe or (2) have them copied before you go.

We’ve been in many situation where it was necessary to have photos scanned and preserved so that each party can have access to the pictures after separation. We’ve tried a host of photo scanning services in Raleigh and Charlotte and found one that we love.

Our favorite family photo scanning service isn’t in North Carolina. They’re in California and they have their scanning done in India. They’re called ScanCafe.

Using ScanCafe is easy. You ship them your prints, slides or negatives. Of course, if you have only digital photos none of this will be necessary. You can simply copy your digital computer files.

Once ScanCafe receives the images they get busy scanning. It usually takes about a month for them to do their work. They notify you online that the images are ready and you can review their work. They then ship back whatever you sent to them for scanning.

ScanCafe allows you to download the images or they’ll mail you a CD filled with the image files. Once you’ve got the files you can copy them for each party. Ideally, you’ll spit the costs of the scanning. That’s something you can negotiate as part of your Separation Agreement.

Thankfully technology can help amicable couples deal with their precious photos. Hopefully, you’ll be able to work together with your spouse to preserve your memories and won’t end up fighting over the images in court.

Divorce can be confusing, messy, and downright painful – not just for you, but for your children as well. When you and your spouse have chosen to part ways, even before you seek counsel from a Raleigh divorce lawyer, you may want to consider finding a therapist to help your family through this difficult time.

When to Look for a Therapist

Knowing when to find help isn’t always easy; sometimes admitting that you could use a little help is even more difficult. Talking to a therapist is a positive step toward keeping your emotional health intact during rocky times. A good Raleigh divorce lawyer may recommend that you find a therapist, regardless of the complexity of your divorce, as soon as you are able.

What Your Raleigh Divorce Lawyer May Advise

Your Raleigh divorce lawyer will likely encourage you to seek a local therapist for your emotional wellbeing. Additionally:

• Your Raleigh divorce lawyer may be able to point you toward qualified therapists.

• A therapist is trained in the emotional aspects of divorce, while your Raleigh divorce lawyer is mainly trained in the legal aspects of it.

• Your Raleigh divorce lawyer can assure you that therapy can help ease your family through difficult transitions.

It is important to remember that the things you say, both to your Raleigh divorce lawyer and to your therapist, remain confidential unless you personally share them with one or the other.

Therapy during Divorce without Children

Even in divorce cases that do not involve children, or those that do not involve custody battles, your Raleigh divorce lawyer may suggest that you talk to a therapist. A therapist can serve as an unbiased party to help you keep things in perspective. Whether or not you choose to work with a therapist, your Raleigh divorce lawyer will provide all the support he or she can.

Divorce with Children: A Raleigh Divorce Lawyer’s Perspective

Children often face unique challenges during divorce. Almost any Raleigh divorce lawyer can tell you from experience that children don’t understand the legalities of divorce or the reasons behind their parents’ split.

According to Psychology Today, a divorce can add emotional pressure to already-stressed children and teens. Even if you’ve already broken the news to your family and retained a Raleigh divorce lawyer, it’s not too late to seek help.

What You (and Your Family) Will Face

Throughout the process of your divorce, you and your children may be asked to provide answers to tough questions. Children may feel they are being disloyal to one parent or the other, and you may not know how to help them reconcile their feelings. A qualified therapist can help you and your family adjust to the changes divorce inevitably brings.

Seeking Therapy after Consulting with a Raleigh Divorce Lawyer

If you have already consulted with a Raleigh divorce lawyer, it’s time to be proactive and locate a qualified therapist that can help you and your family adapt to your changing situation. Ask your Raleigh divorce lawyer if he or she knows a local therapist who can provide much-needed support – you may be glad you did.

Do you know where every penny of your money ends up? What about your soon-to-be ex-spouse’s money? How much of that money do you share, and how much belongs exclusively to you?

Unfortunately, many people do not even know their net worth, let alone where every cent of income lands. Your Charlotte divorce lawyer can attest to the fact that you need that information – but how do you get it? During a divorce, there are so many things to think about; you may not have time to comb through your finances and figure everything out.

You may want to consider finding an accountant to help with your Charlotte divorce.

Why Would Your Charlotte Divorce Lawyer Recommend an Accountant?

Your Charlotte divorce lawyer may recommend you hire an accountant for several reasons:

• An accountant can provide you with detailed reports on your income and assets that may help your Charlotte divorce lawyer in court.

• Your Charlotte divorce lawyer is looking out for your best interests – not only during your divorce, but after it as well.

• An accountant can help the court and your Charlotte divorce lawyer determine child support payment amounts.

If you are not sure whether you can benefit from hiring an accountant, ask your Charlotte divorce lawyer for guidance.

Referrals from Your Charlotte Divorce Lawyer

Since your Charlotte divorce lawyer likely has an accountant of his own, and probably knows several accounting professionals in the area, it’s a good idea to ask for a referral. Asking your Charlotte divorce lawyer for a referral to an accountant can save you hours of searching on your own, too. Your Charlotte divorce lawyer may have successfully referred past clients to local accountants who can help you keep your finances straight, both during and after divorce.

Discussing Your Finances with Your Charlotte Divorce Lawyer

If you have hired an accountant, you will have an accurate picture of your financial situation. You can then discuss your situation in-depth with your Charlotte divorce lawyer, who can use that information to help you during your divorce. Your Charlotte divorce lawyer will not press you for private financial details. However, many people find that providing their Charlotte divorce lawyer with a financial snapshot helps their cases.

Your Finances in Court

Your Charlotte divorce lawyer will only bring up facts about your financial situation that will help your case. Remember, your Charlotte divorce lawyer is always in your corner – so he or she will not disclose your personal business unless it will benefit you.

Hiring an accountant is not always necessary, but you should check with your Charlotte divorce lawyer to determine whether it is in your case. Even if you choose to hire your accountant temporarily, you may benefit from his services in the long run.

You’re getting a divorce. You’re not happy – that’s to be expected. What can you do about it?

Obviously, moving toward resolution of your case will help, but that takes time. It’s only going to move as fast at it moves.

In the meantime, you’ve got to deal with the emotional swings inherent in the process. You’ve got to keep yourself healthy and functioning so you can deal with the day-to-day responsibilities of life.

We’ve got three tips for you that make a huge difference. We’ve helped thousands of people through divorce and the people who cope best follow these three bits of advice.

Here are the tips -

First, you need to sleep. Stress and anxiety wake us up in the middle of the night. It’s terrible. Lack of sleep can lead to serious psychological issues. You may need to see a doctor if the issue gets out of control. In the meantime, try Pzizz. It’s a software product that runs on your computer or phone and it’s effective. We’ve used it and it works.

Second, you need to relax. Try meditation. It’s all about sitting quietly and calming down. There are local courses offered by a variety of groups and professionals. You’ll also find dozens of apps in the iTunes store and Android Marketplace that you can run on your phone. These guided meditations are effective. Meditation is proven to help in many, many ways. Try it. What have you got to lose?

Finally, you need to let it out. We keep lots of emotions pent up as we move through this process. Start keeping a diary and let it out. Try Penzu and see if it works for you. Penzu is a secure, private diary that encourages you to write about what you’re feeling. You can keep it to yourself or where it with your lawyer. It’s a great way to help yourself get your emotions back on track.

Obviously, divorce is difficult. It’s never easy for anyone. These tips will help you get some of your threshold issues under control making it easier to deal with the complexities you’re facing. Get some sleep, try some quiet meditation and let the emotions out. Then you’ll be ready to make the decisions you’re going to have to make.

We meet with prospective clients all the time who are shopping for a lawyer. They aren’t sure which lawyer to choose and they’re meeting with a handful of attorneys in an effort to pick the right person.

These consultations usually aren’t free – they’re expensive. Shopping for a lawyer isn’t like shopping for tires. You’re going to spend some money just deciding where to spend your money.

Unfortunately, picking the right lawyer can be an expensive proposition.

While you’re going to pay for each of these meetings, it’s usually a smart move.

You want to be sure you pick the right attorney for you. There’s quite a bit at stake and a mistake can cost you plenty. Think about it – when you deal with your divorce, you’re dealing will all of your assets, all of your debts plus the future of your children. This is not a quick and easy decision.

So, how many lawyers should you talk to before you pick one?

I’d suggest that you talk to three. Sit down with all of them and tell your story. Then listen and see what they have to say. Listen to their plan for your case. Listen to their approach to achieving resolution. Think about how you feel about what it is that they have to say.

You’ll be shocked at how much of a difference you find between the three lawyers. There are as many different approaches to family law as there are lawyers. You’re going to hear some very different things from each attorney.

Once you’ve interviewed all three attorneys take a break. Don’t make a quick decision. When you decide quickly you tend to hire the last lawyer you interviewed. When you give it some time you’ll be more likely to pick someone that better meets your overall needs. There’s no reason to hurry in most cases. It took you a long time to get to this point and a few more days won’t hurt your situation. Be sure you give the decision careful thought.

Shopping for lawyers isn’t nearly as much fun as shopping for clothes or electronics. It is, however, more important that you make a good decision. Good luck and good shopping.

Picking a lawyer is challenging. There are all kinds of objective criteria like years of experience, law school, specialized focus, etc. It’s hard for anyone to determine the significance each factor in deciding who to hire. It’s tough.

Lots of folks will tell you to go with the recommendations of friends and family who have hired counsel in the past. That’s good advice.

Some people will tell you to ask other lawyers since they’re had a chance to observe your lawyer at work. That’s good advice as well.

The reality is that everything everyone suggests about hiring a lawyer makes sense. It’s all good advice. The problem is that there’s way to much good advice. It’s overwhelming.

What’s a person to do?

I think it makes sense for you to interview several lawyers. Ask questions about experience, philosophy and background. Talk to your friends and family and see what they know about your prospective attorneys. Talk to any attorney friends you have and find out the behind the scenes scoop on each of the attorneys.

Then, once you’ve gathered all of the pertinent information, sit back and relax. Think about your time with each lawyer, reflect on all of the information you’ve gathered, and listen to your gut.

What does your stomach tell you about doing the right thing? Are you more comfortable with one lawyer over another? Is there a nagging feeling that you should pick one rather than the other. Is something telling you that hiring one of them would be a mistake?

Let your gut tell you what to do after you’ve done your due diligence. You already know the answer. Just listen for it.

I can’t tell you how many people come to us, late in the case, and tell us they wish they had found us first. They tell us that they knew they were making a bad choice but they did it for some reason that made sense at the time. They ignored that nagging feeling. They ignored their gut.

Don’t let that happen to you. Do what you know is right. Listen to your gut when you pick your lawyer.

During a divorce, it’s normal to feel overwhelmed. Your Raleigh divorce lawyer will help you through this difficult time as best he can; in the meantime, try to focus on one small thing at a time. Many of the tasks that seem insurmountable together are actually small and easy to take care of – like making changes to your telephone service during divorce.

Ask your Raleigh divorce lawyer about the best time to make changes in your phone service. Your attorney may want you call the phone company immediately, wait a few weeks or wait until your divorce is final. Since every situation is unique, your Raleigh divorce lawyer will be able to point you in the right direction.

Home Phone Service during a Divorce

Will you be leaving your home and moving somewhere new? After you’ve discussed your options with your Raleigh divorce lawyer, you’ll be able to stop, change or start new phone service. If you will be staying in your home, but the service is not in your name, you’ll need to call the phone company and make the change. The telephone company may need proof (ask your Raleigh divorce lawyer to provide documentation) before they will change your service.

If you are moving to a new home during your divorce, you won’t need any documentation from your Raleigh divorce lawyer. Simply call the phone company and request to start new service.

Cell Phone Service during a Divorce

Sometimes cellular telephone companies are difficult to deal with during a divorce; if you are on a “family” plan, or if your cell phone is in your spouse’s name, you’ll need to secure copies of your divorce documents to give your provider. Your Raleigh divorce lawyer will be able to furnish you with the appropriate documents. You might even want to consider starting fresh with a new service provider.

Other Phone-Related Considerations during Divorce

Ask yourself (and your Raleigh divorce lawyer, if possible):

• Who will be responsible for the telephone bill during your divorce?

• How much money will it cost to get new service if you need it?

• Should you remove your name from the home telephone service if you do not plan to leave in the immediate future? (Ask your Raleigh divorce lawyer for guidance on when you should leave and when you should remove your name from other utilities, as well.)

Ask Your Raleigh Divorce Lawyer for Recommendations

Your Raleigh divorce lawyer has represented many clients in similar situations. When it comes to making decisions like what you should do about your phone service, your Raleigh divorce lawyer will be able to advise you on the best course of action.

In some cases, your Raleigh divorce lawyer will want you to make changes immediately. If you are experiencing domestic violence, for example, your Raleigh divorce lawyer’s first priority will be to get you in a safe location – even if that means leaving your home.

Every situation is unique, so it’s best to check with your Raleigh divorce lawyer before making irreversible decisions, like switching phone service providers.